What Happens When You Can’t Agree to a Custody Schedule?
Figuring out a custody schedule is one of the toughest parts of co-parenting. It’s not just about splitting days of the week and holidays; it’s about navigating the emotions, the disagreements, and the worries about your child’s well-being.
If you and your co-parent struggle to see eye-to-eye on how to divide parenting time, you’re not alone. However, understanding the stakes and working together (even when it’s hard) can make all the difference for your child.
So, let’s talk about what a custody schedule really is, why it matters, and what to do if you just can’t reach an agreement.
What is a custody schedule?
A custody schedule is essentially a roadmap for how parents share time with their children. It spells out the details—like where the kids will be on weeknights, weekends, holidays, and vacations. The goal is to create a predictable routine for the child and a clear plan for the parents, reducing the chances of misunderstandings and conflicts.
This schedule goes beyond logistics; it helps keep both parents actively involved in their child’s life, working together to provide the support their child needs.
A thorough child custody schedule must reflect your family’s current needs and consider how things might change over time. While it’s entirely possible to modify your child custody arrangement later, creating a flexible and future-focused schedule now will save everyone time and stress.
As a note, custody schedules in New Jersey are usually part of a larger custody and parenting time agreement or court order, which covers both legal and physical custody arrangements.
What are common types of custody arrangements for NJ families?
Perhaps one child is passionately involved in travel sports. Perhaps your co-parent relocated for work, and frequent custody exchanges are impractical. Whatever the specifics of your family’s situation, there are different custody models that you and your co-parent can consider as you determine your child custody arrangement.
Alternating weekends
This traditional model gives one parent custody during the week, and the other takes the child on alternating weekends. It tends to work best when families live close together and can conduct exchanges within particular parameters of work, personal, and school schedules.
The parent with custody during the week is typically referred to as the Parent of Primary Residence (“PPR”) and the parent exercising alternating weekends is then the Parent of Alternate Residence (“PAR”). The PAR may also have mid-week non-overnight dinner visits with the child or children on the weeks they do not have weekend parenting time.
Equal parenting time
This model splits parenting time equally between parents. There are several ways to accomplish that, as the examples below illustrate.
Week-on/week-off
This arrangement involves alternating weeks between both households. The child gets uninterrupted time with each parent, but this approach can be difficult for younger children, who might need more frequent visits with each parent as they build the foundation of their relationship together.
2-2-3 schedules
This schedule gives children a more frequent, rotating pattern between households. Children spend two days with one parent, then two days with the other, followed by three days with the first parent.
This custody model offers children extended days with each parent. Moreover, the frequency of visits between households can benefit younger kids.
2-2-5-5 schedule
The 2-2-5-5 parenting time model in New Jersey involves each parent having two consecutive days with the child followed by five consecutive days.
For example, Parent A has the child on Monday and Tuesday, Parent B has the child on Wednesday and Thursday, and then they alternate five-day blocks from Friday to Tuesday or Wednesday to Sunday. This schedule allows each parent to have consistent midweek and alternating weekend time with the child.
Custom schedules
Depending on the needs of the parents and the child, a custom schedule incorporates elements of the other models while creating an entirely new arrangement tailored to the family. For example, some parents find a compromise between the traditional every other weekend and the equal parenting time model works best for the family.
There still may be a PPR or PAR designation for school purposes, but the PPR may have parenting time 4 or 5 days each week, and the PAR may have the children 2 or 3 days each week. Parents often sometimes have one set schedule for the school year and more time sharing during the summer.
Custom schedules can be particularly beneficial for families who live far apart or have other considerations that make the more standard schedules impractical. A customized approach is helpful when co-parents struggle to agree on a custody schedule. Similarly, it is often used for parents who don’t work a typical 9-5, such as police officers, firefighters or nurses who may work a rotating schedule of 4 days on, 4 days off or only 3 days per week but 12 hour shifts
What happens when co-parents can’t agree on a parenting plan?
Feeling at loggerheads when you and your co-parent disagree about what child custody should look like can be incredibly frustrating. What’s more, it can be disruptive to your child’s well-being.
The good news is that there are many options to resolve the dispute. From collaborative problem-solving to court intervention, it is possible to find a schedule that works for your entire family.
In New Jersey, parents are required to attend mediation before a custody hearing can be scheduled unless there are extenuating circumstances such as domestic violence or allegations of child abuse.
Direct negotiation
This approach refers to when parents and their attorneys attempt to reach an agreement through informal discussions or formal settlement negotiations. In New Jersey, absent extenuating circumstances, attorneys are required to attempt settlement before proceeding to litigation.
This course of action requires open and honest communication between co-parents and their attorneys. Direct negotiation works best when parents can collaborate amicably to resolve scheduling issues.
Mediation
This involves bringing in a neutral third party to facilitate communication and help parents find common ground. A mediator’s role is to create a space for an agreement that works for all parties and safeguards the child’s well-being.
It’s important to note that mediators do not have legal decision-making authority. They can’t make recommendations or impose outcomes. They are merely there to guide parents toward a resolution.
In New Jersey, court-ordered custody mediation is provided free of charge through the Family Division. Parents may also choose to engage a private mediator at their own expense.
Legal intervention
If all other options are unsuccessful, the court may intervene via a formal hearing. In this process, the judge will decide on a custody arrangement, taking into account both sides’ perspectives but primarily being guided by the child’s best interest.
Court involvement
Whether due to a high-conflict divorce, complicated family circumstances or one of the many other scenarios that can appear during family law matters, it’s sometimes necessary to turn to the court to determine a custody schedule.
While the facts of their specific situation will determine each family’s needs, there are standard processes involved when the court steps in:
- One or both parents file a motion to establish or modify the custody agreement.
- A formal hearing is held so both parents can present their case, including any relevant evidence and testimony.
- The judge considers various factors, including the child’s age, health, and emotional well-being and the parent’s ability to provide for the child’s needs. The judge then makes a ruling based on the child’s best interest.
In New Jersey, judges are required to consider specific factors outlined in N.J.S.A. 9:2-4 when making custody determinations. These factors include the parents’ ability to communicate and cooperate, the child’s relationship with siblings, any history of domestic violence, and the child’s safety, among others.
When the judge issues a custody order, it becomes legally binding, meaning that violations can result in legal consequences like fines or modifications to any existing orders.
Custody evaluations
If the custody dispute is particularly contentious, the court might order a custody evaluation. This is often done by a skilled mental health professional who may interview parents, children, teachers, and other relevant parties. It might also include home visits or psychological assessments to determine if each parent’s home suits the child’s needs.
When these evaluations are complete, the court receives a detailed report outlining the findings and any recommendations for executing the custody schedule.
Consult with a child custody attorney
From explaining scheduling options and their legal ramifications to representing parents in court, the right child custody attorney can help negotiate a workable schedule that prioritizes the child’s best interest.
At Dughi, Hewit & Domalewski, our team of skilled family law attorneys can support you from the initial consultation through to a final resolution. Additionally, our family law attorneys are trained, court-approved mediators who can assist you and your co-parent in resolving custody and parenting time disputes. Reach out to us today to discuss options for your unique family situation.
