Effective Co-parenting Communication: A Guide for Parents
Whether you’ve been co-parenting for years or merely days, you’re sure to face plenty of decisions and challenges along the way. To navigate them in a way that is healthy and constructive, it helps to develop an approach to communication that’s effective, respectful, and proactive.
At Dughi, Hewit & Domalewski, we’ve spent decades helping families of all types achieve successful co-parenting relationships. In that time, our team has observed firsthand how challenging—and rewarding—it can be when co-parents make a commitment to open communication, mutual respect, and a focus on their child’s well-being.
The importance of effective communication between co-parents
Your child’s wellbeing is your top priority, and honest and consistent communication with your co-parent is the best way to protect it. From establishing a morning routine to choosing a pediatrician—children benefit when their grown-ups take a collaborative approach to parenting.
Working through parenting decisions together may reveal new resources and opportunities to support your child’s physical, mental, and emotional health. With effective communication, the delicate dance of co-parenting becomes more coordinated over time, creating a much-needed sense of stability for your child.
Additionally, modeling positive communication techniques can help your child learn healthy coping skills they can use when faced with interpersonal conflicts in the future.
ABCs of positive co-parenting communication
A: Establish clear aims for co-parenting
If you’re like most parents, your number one goal is for your child to be safe, happy, and healthy. But when it comes to successful co-parenting, it pays to be more specific. You and your co-parent are on the same team. And, like any other team, you need a plan to function at your best.
Consider the challenges your child is facing, and what type of environment might help them thrive. Then, foster that through a realistic, detailed parenting plan that’s tailored to your child’s needs.
With concrete expectations and responsibilities for each parent to uphold, miscommunications will become less frequent. When you’re both committed to a plan that focuses on your child’s needs, you might find that healthy communication comes more naturally than you expected.
B: Set boundaries for respectful communication
Establishing clear boundaries helps protect your time, schedule, and personal life. Even better, maintaining them shows your child that it’s okay to advocate for their own needs and set boundaries that allow them to feel comfortable.
When you speak to your co-parent, be mindful of your word choice and tone of voice to avoid escalating uncomfortable conversations. Disagreements are natural, but stay focused just on your shared priority: your child’s wellbeing.
Remember, you’re parents, not adversaries, so you should approach challenges from the same side—that of your child’s best interests.
When your co-parent fails to adhere to your parenting plan, seek understanding. A win-or-lose mindset isn’t helpful here. Try taking a “troubleshooting” approach instead. When your co-parent breaks an agreement, try to focus on solutions to prevent it from happening next time rather than letting it escalate into a fight. If you see a pattern emerging, keep a record of the issues and events in case you need to discuss them with your attorney.
C: Choose the right communication methods
Healthy communication is about more than what you say. The way you present information to your co-parent matters, too.
Consider each person’s schedule and preferences and be prepared to compromise, if needed. You might choose to communicate through phone calls, emails, text messages, a dedicated co-parenting platform, or a combination of multiple methods. The most important thing is that each of you knows when and where to expect to receive important information about your child.
D: Do’s and don’ts of co-parenting communication etiquette
Co-parenting communication works best when both parents play by the same rules. Here are some of the ones our clients have found most helpful:
Do make a point to use courtesies like “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.”
Do discuss what the appropriate timing and frequency of calls should look like.
Do communicate directly with each other instead of using your child as a messenger.
Don’t assume that your child will relay communications to the other parent.
Don’t continue conversations in which your co-parent is being verbally abusive.
Don’t discuss or vent about heated topics in front of your child.
E: Get extra help where you need it
You may find that you need extra support to navigate disagreements and establish a healthy co-parenting relationship. If so, consider contacting a family law attorney, family therapist, or mediator.
These professionals can offer guidance and give you the encouragement you need to maintain effective communication practices when tensions arise. They can also help you develop co-parenting strategies that fit the unique dynamics of your situation, helping you lay a strong foundation for positive communication in the future.
Co-parenting conflicts? Consult with an attorney
Finding balance in your co-parenting journey takes effort, but constant confrontations don’t have to disrupt your family’s peace. If frequent disagreements are making positive co-parenting communication a challenge, it could be time to revisit your parenting plan.
The family law attorneys at Dughi, Hewit & Domalewski are here to help you develop or amend a comprehensive parenting plan that outlines each parent’s rights, responsibilities, and decision-making authority.
By getting your plan in writing, you’ll find more confidence in your co-parenting relationship and face the future with greater peace of mind.
Take the first step today. Schedule your consultation with our team now.
